FIRST STAPLE WAR Fandom! I sing of that heroic crew
Who
struggled not for love of egoboo;
To higher aims their ghodlike spirits
rose:
Their sole desire was to improve the proz.
from Fancyclopedia 2
In 1934 Bob Tucker announced, in Brass Tacks,
formation of the Society for the Prevention of Wire Staples in Science
Fiction Magazines; the dictator of the organization, of course, being Tucker.
Recruits to the number of about 35 came, with suggestions for such things as
rubber staples, or sticking the magazines together with chewing gum -- a
different flavor each month. At last Don Wollheim could endure it no longer,
and precipitated the First Staple War by launching the International and
Allied Organizations for the Purpose of Upholding and Maintaining the Use of
Metallic Fasteners in Science Fiction Publications in the United States of
America, Unltd. (The "First" apparently by analogy with "First World War", a
name already common in 1934.) Wollheim was Grand High Cocolorum of the force,
and all other members had suitable titles, except one suspected of being a
spy who was deprived of his title. There were some twoscore members in all,
and several Fortresses (locals) existed.
Not satisfied with mere conservatism, Wollheim at length announced the
Platinum Plan. In accordance with this, wire staples were to be made of
platinum; then, after the stfnist had finished reading the magazine, he could
take out the staples and sell them for more than he paid for the magazine.
This would boom the circulation of stf magazines and carry science fiction to
the world.
As in other mock wars such as the FooFoo-
Ghughu strife, the fronts on which direct battle could
be joined were very limited, but such engagements as occurred practically all
went in favor of the metallic forces. (Their military arm called itself the
Ultra-Violet Shirt Shocked Troops, in mockery of the polychrome garments used
by European political factions about this time.) IAOPetc spies in Tucker's
forces wormed their way into such a position of trust that they published the
second number of the Official Organ, and it came out
stuck full of wire staples! (Tucker quibbled about the difference between
proz -- which were all he mentioned -- and fanzines.) The "entire" New York
Episode (local) of the SPWSSTFM [Doc Lowndes] went over to Wollheim's
side.
The end of the war was a non sequitur. A prankster's letter was published
all solemnly in Brass Tacks, announcing that Tucker had died. By publication
time Tremaine had discovered that he'd been had, and declared there'd be no
more staple stuff in Brass Tacks.
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